The World According to Colin

Be Careful What You Wish For

I just had these 2 girls from New York stay at the hotel that just raved about my blog and were really sad I have not been posting.  It is so weird to feel like you actually have fans.  I did not know what to say except that I promised them I would get busy and publish something.  So here I am...

I guess the main reason I have not published a piece in so long is that I have been basically working from dawn to well past dusk.  I had no idea that a small hotel was this much work.  We have a complete compliment of staff (13 in total) , yet it still seems to demand almost all the waking hours I have for a day.

In hindsight there are a few key things that I underestimated in taking on this project. 

1) Not knowing how much work it was.  I really thought we would lie in a hammock with a cordless phone and tell people the key was in their room, help themselves to drinks and pay us on the way out.  Hell, we have even had clients cook us breakfast.

2) I did not realize it would be such a challenge to find qualified staff.  It appears that tasks like replying to email is a specialized qualification.  It did not dawn on me that people would not even know how to use a North American style washer, let alone a computer.  It just shows how out of touch I am with reality outside of North America even though I espouse to be worldly.  I mean why would people know how to respond to email.  Apart for working for people like us what really is the need and Tico style washers work just fine.

3) I had know idea that we would be this successful this fast.  We have absolutely no experience in running a hotel apart from staying in a few budget style places in my lifetime.  Many local expats thought we were crazy and were supposed to budget for 1/3 occupancy rate.  We are currently running at about 80% for the past 6 months (last 3 months, almost 100%).

4) Having worked in almost isolation and virtual enviroment, I forgot what it was like to deal face to face with general public.  We are fortuneate that given our location and my blatant website, we screen out the average traveller and 95% of our clientel are great.  But, that one person that is hard to please can really take it's toll on you despite efforts to not let it get to you.

5) I got totally carried away.  Our idea was this was supposed to be a Key West style guest house.  May be 8 rooms with a cozy atmosphere.  Well, I started to run the economics, we realized that we needed more rooms to make the numbers work.  Also, I have stayed in such ugly cramped rooms in many places in Costa Rica, I wanted ours to be spacious and look like someone had paid attention to decorating them.  So, our building cost on the project almost doubled.

6) How little profit there was.  Despite our success, I am surprised that there is little money left over at the end of the month.  Because of both of our neurosis to make everything look nice, we keep spending money on fixing up the hotel with no end of projects in site.

Regrets? None!  I am still happy to say given a choice of doing anything I want and living anywhere I want, I can't think of anywhere I would rather be.  I can not remember feeling like that for most of my life.  Life always seemed greener somewhere else.

Yes, I am Alive...

I have been getting complaints about not updating my blog, so here are a few pics and a video to share about what's going on down here.

Watch this video and see if Puerto Viejo is for you.

Fall is coming and waves are getting rough.

 

How I wish my life was this simple...

Taking in the local colours...

We are just heading into a real busy season.  I hope to find some time to write soon.  Hugs to all.

What Do I Miss Living Down Here?

You know, I get asked that question often.  It is hard for me to answer the longer I am not living in North America. 

There are always friends and family.  Those I will always miss, and I get never want that to change.  Then there are conveniences and stores you don't have access to.  I miss that somewhat.  In someways, it just makes life less complicated, because you juts learn to do without.

But what I really miss is I feel is my Canadian sense of identity.  I did not really know I had one, until I was put in a culture of many Americans and had access to only CNN news.  Their concept on the world and what is considered worthy news is beyond comprehension. 

I finally decided to splurge another $11/month and buy the upgrade to BBC on the SatTV.  I guess if you want anything that might remotely come close to objective, truthful and have some semblance of intelligence, you have to pay.  The rest... "Let them eat shit..." I think it was once quoted.

But what I really miss is CBC News.  It is cornerstone of Canada.  I was so exited to find I can watch old programs and seeing that they were so different then US television, that is this kind of journalism was happening in the US, it would have been deemed treason.

One of my favourite shows, was Canada's version of 60 Minutes, Called 5th Estate.  Watch the YouTube episode below and try and imagine this program episode being aired on a major US network.  Then you will see why the US Republicans hated the Canadian Liberal Government and have pulled out all stops to bring the US Style Conservatives to majority power.

I Love a Parade!

No, it was not Gay pride or Santa Claus Parade. Local Costa Ricans take their Indepence Day Celebrations seriously.

No Parade is complete without a band...

Months of Practice, Roberto prepares the kids for the event.

Getting hitched at The Banana Azul

We hosted our first big event at the Banana Azul.  We had a wedding of over 100 people.  The bride was from Spain and the groom is a local guy.

Ceremony was on the beach and festivities were at the hotel.

Local bands played well into the wee hours of the morning and a shuttle bus kept people going and coming from Puerto Viejo all evening. 

There They Go Again...

The latest scandal with the US senator arrested in a public bathroom for tapping his foot and allowing it  to touch another mans foot under a stall wall has got to be one the most hilarious media shows going yet.   According to reports he never actually had sex, touched anything or even said anything that he was interested in illicit sex... but he was arrested and a 30 career of the one the most classic cases of Republican hypocrisy was down the drain.

Just when you thought the Monica and Bill side show during the Clinton reign was long over, Americans and American media seemed just crazed over anything that seems remotely resemble anything outside what is classified as pro-creative sex.  It is so hard to imagine that news stations would have endless hours of coverage over something like this.  It all just seems so crazy, that you really feel that there is no hope for the world.  America is at one of it's saddest states in my time on this earth and here they are going ga-ga over the possibility that someone might have sex in a public bathroom.  What about the terrorists? 

Last time I was in Miami airport (no not in the bathroom), they announced security level was elevated to orange.  I did not know what to do.  I looked at boarding pass to see if there was colour-coded instructions.  There were none.  So, then I thought, I will just look for people wearing orange uniforms or something.  There were none.  In fact, apart from the announcement, no one seemed to blink an eye or skip a step except me.  Do you feel safer now?

You know... I have had some real enlightening experiences about public sex since my move to Costa Rica.  No, unfortunately, I have not seen gorgeous gay Latin men fornicating in a bathroom, public park or anywhere else.  But I have seen heterosexuals having sex right out in the hammock on the beach in front of our hotel (it was a local tico holiday weekend).  I was shocked and thought that no... they aren't really doing that.  So, I asked the gardener if they were having sex out there and he responded to me quite matter factly, "of course they are".  I thought that I would have had the dignity to do it in the bushes.

That same weekend, there was another couple spotted having sex on the beach.

Most recently I even had a Costa Rican chapter of a local swingers organization inquire about renting the whole hotel for a "group take over".  I had know idea what she was talking about.  They looked like bird watchers.  Then she was wondering about the lack of privacy and would staff be offended by their presence.  It hit me over the head like a ton of bricks.  Not only were they going to swap partners, they were going to do it publicly.  I felt like Barbara Bush trying to not look like a prude and dis way from looking at our hotel as a candidate for their event.   

Maybe the religious right should be afraid.  Since Gay men are notoriously known for multiple partners and public sex, they are now teaching straights on how to spice up a boring monogamous long-term relationship.  Where will it all end?

Personally, my greatest fear would be that the other guy in the next bathroom stall would be non other than Karl Rove.

We Make The News... Again!

Yeah, yeah..., I know I am bragging, but I just wanted to share that our hotel was again featured in the news.  Click here to read full story.

My friend Scott runs a volunteer organization here in Costa Rica and his organization was the focus.  But because the 2 reporters stayed at our hotel, they included a side bar about us. 

The Tico Times is the local ex-pat english speaking news source here and is very well read.  And having a background in community newspaper publishing, they do a real good job.

And for those of you who have not seen the progress lately on the hotel, you can see our progress here.  It is all coming together.  It had better!  I am broke.

Geronimo.....!!!!

Pictured above, is Alfredo, our gardner/caretaker (native kid at end of the boat) wins our first employee of the month contest where the staff and management vote on best all around employee.

It is hard to imagine that just over 2 years ago, all he knew how to do was cut grass with a machete.

Today, I am not sure what he is more pumped about?  The rafting trip or learning to drive.

Oh My God... He's Gotta a Gun!

You know me being one those "commie Canucks" (that is how I have heard many US ex-pats refer to us Canadians down here), We just don't have a lot of experience with guns and people using them or carrying them.

Well after almost 3 years, I have had more exposure to guns than I have had in my whole lifetime.  Other than the time 2 weeks after I arrived here, where a drug dealer shot another one in the leg on the street of Puerto Viejo at 4:00 in the afternoon, most of my experiences with locals with guns have been thankfully non-eventful.

In fact, I am amazed at myself at how calm I have become in confronting people here with a gun.  My neighbour, Neil was out lying on the beach in the hammock with his dog in front of our hotel.   While lying there a older local African Caribbean guy rode by on his bicycle, my neighbours dog (thanks to our dogs prompting) chased after him and bit him in the leg.

Rightfully so, he was very angry.  He was screaming at Neil for about 5 minutes and then rode off.  Neil told Amare and I that he was coming back with his machete and was going to kill the dog not really believing he would.

Knowing how dramatic locals can be and how things easily escalate, I suggested to Amare (Neils wife) that we go on the scooter and find him and calm him down.  I figured me knowing him and her being a women, we could reason with him.

So, off we go only to find him walking back to where the dog bit him with a shotgun.  All I could think was "Holy Shit" He has a gun!  I told Amare to get off the scooter and I would go talk to him.  I knew the guy and felt even though he was mad, I didn't believe he would shoot me.

It took about 5 minutes of talking while legitimizing his anger, to get him to agree this was not a good idea.  During this time, I could also realize that he had been drinking.  I just wanted to get him and the gun the hell out of there.

So I got him to climb on the scooter and I would drive him home.  While on the scooter Amare noticed that the shot gun was pointed at my foot.  She warned him not to carry it that way.  He laughed and said it was not loaded and cocked the gun to prove it.  "Ooops" he laughed, it was loaded.  He removed the shell and I drove him home.

Cross Border Shopping Just Ain't The Same

You know, despite all the nature, beaches, local cultures and my half-hearted attempt to live my life more spriritually centered, I have to confess, I really do miss shopping sometimes. 

I think it must be in our gay genes.  When I walk into nice stores (especially the kitchen appliance section), I feel my heart to start racing, palms sweat and Roberto says a glazed look goes over my eyes.

Well shopping around here... I experienced none of the above.  Roberto blew out a tire coming back from San Jose.  Of course there is no place around that sells tires, so I was going to have to head off to Limon.

My contractor says, oh no, just go to Chase, Panama.  Chase, Panama is this little, and I mean little place across the river on the Bri Bri indigenous reservation that solely exists for locals to buy certain items and avoid paying the huge import taxes that Costa Rica levy's on imported goods.

Great, sounds like I will save money and go for a day trip.

We show up at the river crossing, expecting some sort of water taxi, only to find basically a old wood  canoe with a tiny motor on the back.  We even had to walk in the water to help push the boat away from shore.

So, we arrive on the other side of the Sixola river (Panama) to find 4 stores that all had junky stuff with dust all over it and being flogged by chain-smoking Middle Eastern Arabs. 

We tell that we need tires as we don't see any on display.  One the native slaves that they have working for them motions us to go to this warehouse and upon entering the place was full to the ceiling of tires.  Our sales person guided through paths of tires on dirt floors with only a flashlight to find the size of tires we were looking for.   All I could think of is that how I longed for places like Macey's. Hell, I would even stoop to WalMart rather than this.

Then after we paid them for the tires, I thought it would include transport back to river to our little canoe driver who referred to me as the Fat Gringo... but oh no.  We had to roll them to the river, load them into the boat, take them back to the other side, then carry them up to river banks and load them into our car.

Then after all that, we have to hope while driving them back home that we do not get pulled over by the police with undeclared goods in our car.

How much did we save?  Maybe if we are lucky, $50.  I won't be back.